Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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