quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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