Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize