Already got asked if we're dating
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
