So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
