I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
