brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
