i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
