omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
