wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
