i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
