took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
