The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
