I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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