She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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