In the future we'll all be gay
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize