Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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