Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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