nut hugger
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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