I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
