Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
