Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
