Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
