Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
