i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
