I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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