Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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