So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
