I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love you. Go after that dick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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