how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
