Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
