I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
