not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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