Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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