when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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