She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
