i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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