I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
