It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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