Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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