this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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