Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
