Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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