I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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