I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
