I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
