I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i have two assholes
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
two words: eviction party
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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