I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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