first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
