Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
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