No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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