How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize