After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
