Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
