K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
