Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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