So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Randomize
