if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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