I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
