You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
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