I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
