Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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