Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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