omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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