I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
