Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
