Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
