It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
