Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think your dad took our porno
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
