Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
