just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
