I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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