He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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