Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
