Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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