I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
