I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
