Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
