my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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