I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
