My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize