Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
