i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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