The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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