In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You can't motorboat a personality
We named our party play list daddy issues
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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