I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
