ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
