what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
