Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
