his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
